I haven’t talked about Alex the last few days because I didn’t know much. I still don’t know much. We had a story pieced together about Alex’s final hours; how and where things went wrong; but not all the parts tie together. We do know that when they got him to a hospital the doctors were able to restore a heartbeat, but it had been some time without one. Through multiple efforts and medical heroics, two different hospitals and an airlift, they were able to keep him alive, but only just. They were unable to get brainwaves back. Matt had to make the decision about when to unhook him and let him go. The family came in and said their goodbyes. Matt held the phone up to him for Judy so she could from Texas. Then Matt held his firstborn son as the final flame flickered.
Meanwhile the constant activity at Matt’s house goes on. There is still so much to do. Both sets of grandparents are here. Kids and noise, phone calls, condolences. Details in demand of attention. In the afternoons, neighbors, friends, and food show up at the door. Judy made pudding cups. Dinner gets served. Dishes get cleared. Both gymnastics clubs Alex was part of are involved. Websites devoted to remembrances. A GoFundMe account to help with the fiscal overload and the vision of a new project in support of recognition and treatment of adolescent mental health and substance abuse. A stop at the optometrist before I left Texas resulted in an entire office in tears because they all knew Alex through us. I tried to pay so I could go, and they wouldn’t even let me. Love and understanding from all over the country. And here, we talk, and talk, and talk.
Through the haze of sorrow, arrangements must be made. The mortuary. Will there be a ceremony? Will there be a viewing? Will there be a grave? A cremation? What about clothes? Possessions to be gathered and accounts to be closed. An obituary to be written. A eulogy. Sorrow comes in waves for us. Matt and Lindsay are still on the first swell. Becky and Brian are arriving tomorrow. Christie and Andy an hour later. Childhood friend Bo after that. Chad is on a military base in Hawaii. That’s a little harder to manage.
The last couple years have been difficult for Alex. He has been going to counseling and has been in and out of rehab several times. He went to Missouri to stay with his mom for a couple weeks and get away from it all. He finished high school online while he was there. The school will hold a place in his honor at graduation and announce his name. He was 17 years 10 months. There will be a viewing on Saturday. The memorial will be in a local park on Sunday. There will be another in Colorado in June.
