You probably thought I wasn’t going to write about urinating in public tonight, but sometimes things just have to be said.
It’s about public parks. If I were building a public park, after I figured out where all the grass, paths, ponds, flowers, bushes, trees, and picnic benches went, I’d figure out where people are going to pee. It’s a public park. You’re drawing people there on purpose. Probably half the people there are going to be women, so that means at least half of them are going to have to pee first thing when they arrive! Oops. Did I just say that out loud? The point is, people pee. It’s a fact of life. I’m amazed at how many public places make no allowance for that. As soon as I need to go, which by now in my life, is about once every two hours, I look around and wonder “where do they want me to pee?” If there aren’t any restrooms, I conclude they want me to pee on the bushes. It’s a little more complicated than that for Judy.
My most recent experience on this topic was a little different though. The problem was caused by the coronavirus. I had dropped Judy off for her knee follow-up appointment and of course I couldn’t go in with her because of the pandemic. I was walking loops around the buildings and parking lots. Before long, it was time for me to find facilities, but I couldn’t go inside any of the buildings to use the restroom because there were checkpoints at the doors to prevent anyone besides patients from entering. Eventually, I had to pick a door. I chose the main entrance to the hospital. Multiple people at the security table. With my mask on. “I need to use the restroom. ” “Are you a patient?” “No, but I really need to use the restroom.” No sympathy. Thinking maybe they didn’t understand that I wasn’t just some hopeless hapless person walking down the street, but I really had business there, I said “My wife is in an appointment with her doctor and I need to go inside just to use the restroom.” Still nothing. So I volunteered “I’ll go back outside, stand in the parking lot and pee if you prefer, but really I’d rather use the restroom.” I made it her choice.
That did the trick. She relented, took my temperature and a brief health history, gave me a shirt-sticker, and stood aside. By the time I came back out and stopped to express my appreciation, it was all good-natured and smiles. Maybe they had thought it through enough by then to realize that if you invite people together at your facility, even during a pandemic, eventually someone is going to have to pee!